43. Singapore Driving Syndrome? « Random thoughts from Joel Avatari

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43. Singapore Driving Syndrome?

April 6, 2008

After two long days of driving, I have a very disturbing discovery that can literally change the course of my life forever! Seriously, it’s that serious! What?

I think I have the Singapore driving syndrome. It’s a virus, discovered recently after some scientists mixed hallucinogens, Johnny Mathis songs, right hand drive cars and women’s driving skills. The virus is airborne and it attacks weak-minded individuals and alter their perceptions and techniques in driving. Really. True story.

Got infected

I feel that compared to before I went there, I am now driving 30% slower and 50% kinder. Yes I measure my skills in percentages. IKNORITE? Awesome! My friends can attest to my driving skills, over the course of my life people have said some awesome shit regarding my mad street skills.

Bryan Ocampo: Alam ko na alternate job mo - ambulance driver!
Bryan Dela Cerna: Ano ba? Para kang lagi hinahabol ng demonyo!
Reggie Banasihan: Parang hindi na sumasayad gulong sa lupa ah?!
Ofelia Velasquez: Ortigas to San Pedro Laguna in 15mins? Ano to jet?
Kimi Raikkonen: Ambilis! natakot ako dun ah!
Blythe Ramos(Wifey): Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name..

Although before, I drove fast but I was really driving defensively, you know, I believe that offense is the best defense, like in basketball? Example. Kobe! (Oh! Snaps all around!!) Also I am very courteous with pedestrians, I almost always honk my car’s horn contineously, so that the pedestrians have time to dive away from my speeding car. Yes, I’m kind like that.

This is me drifting on the third corner of daang hari, I wish!

Now though I think my balls are slowly being replaced with man-ginas. I let people pass me and I don’t care. Weird huh? I also have issues tackling highspeed turns and corners like in C-5, Daang Hari, and Laguna Seca. Earlier, I had a chance to slalom 5 slow and stupid trucks in SLEX. I wanted to feel that awesome 5G’s of inertia. Instead, I followed slowly behind and covered my face before someone notices me.

The main difference is that pussy driving is allowed in Sing because they’re like a small country and if you drive too fast you might end up in a river somewhere in Vietnam. badap bish!!

Snooze, Boring!!

In the Phils, mad skills are required to dodge everything from Stupet Sunday drivers to public trasportation from hell, stupet pedestrians like that old lady with a cane and lastly to even dodge the hungry boys in blue.

let me see shumacher get through this shit!

After much serious thought, I wanted my old school, old style, driving. Good thing I searched the internet (all the good stuff is here I tells ya.)and luckily I have found the cure! Ladies and Gents, the cure for SDS is:

Ice Cold!!

All I can say is, let the treatment begin!! Good times!! amirite guys?

Posted by avatar at 12:46 am | permalink

Previous Comments

I can attest to that!

Posted by alan at April 6, 2008, 6:22 pm

^ Alan! It’s been a while. Come on in. Let’s talk and have a sit down.

Posted by avatar at April 7, 2008, 2:50 am

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Joel Avatari

I am Joel and I am an alcoholic. My name? Joel Avatari. Yes, Avatari is my second name. That is why I am in i.ph because the url avatar.i.ph is so hard not to use. I live in the south side of the metro and I am not really a hardcore blogger. I blog when I have something to say or share. I also flame when I have to. In real life I am a work slave of an American company. I have been called an Asian monkey when I was in Australia and I I have hurled on the streets of clean Singapore. Oh did I forget to mention? I am Joel and I am who I am.