99. DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT
March 11, 2009DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT
I know what you’re going to say, I change blogs as often as I change my underwear - once a year. No wait, that didn’t sound right. I’m like an obese drunk middle aged guy from work in a cool party starved for attention. “Let’s go guys! I don’t want to work, I just want to party!” (Rips off jogging pants) tugss-tugss-tugss.
Okay, that still didn’t sound right. If you rummage through the pages, you’d notice that most of the entries here were from my original blog. Why? because I said so here. Although the page is still kinda broken. I brokenated it for some reason, it’s hard to admit it but I’m a WP ignoramus. Although you’d have to say this is an amazing layout and it’s an awesome set up, I really can’t take any credit for it. It’s been magically altered by Ea Raymundo in exchange for some type of smelly paper we call money. I wanted to ask her if I could pay through sexual favors but at the back of my mind, I don’t think my wife would agree to such a deal.
I’m not scared of my wife FYI. I’m actually terrified. Imagine a machine gun as a leg of pregnant woman with unstable first trimester hormones riding behind a bike counting down the seconds until she starts to open fire while you’re naked trying to run away with nothing else but your dear life. That’s a nightmare right there.
Something like this
Oh yeah, my wife is pregnant! After being married for one and a half years I’ve finally knocked her up. See, for the longest time, we were trying to have an offspring, but with my genetically altered sperm swimming against the current and not along with it. It was kinda hard for them to unlearn what they trained so hard for - not to get someone pregnant. At least finally some swimmers were smart enough to go against my teaching and voila! Good times here we come!
Don’t get me wrong now, I’m really excited, I can finally do my best Dark Vader impression to my own son.
Imma gonna rent a darth vader suit i swear
Also, yes you’ve noticed I keep referring to my chiled as a male off spring. I’m hoping for a male. Someone who I can name Victorino because he’s a Valentine’s day baby. I wonder how he’ll react 15 to 20 years from now when he finds out how much his name sucks. And I know he’s going to be born along with the other kids created during Valentine’s Day.
Though if ever we are blessed with a female instead, I’d still love and accept her. You know what I’m really hoping for? That she’d be the first baby to be born with mutant abilities. I want her to have telekinetic powers so I can name her Emma Frost Ramos That would be so awesome!
My daughter Emma Frost Ramos
Oh and I won’t mind it if she wear those skimpy outfits, she’ll just melt the brain of the guys who’s mentally jerking off to her awesome bod.
I just hope my wife won’t name our kid Edward(if it’s a boy) or Bella(if it’s a girl). She’s really crushing on Edward(Robert Pattinson) There was this one time, she watched Twilight three times in one day. Just imagine that?! Maybe somehow my wife willed the pregnancy through the thought of Robert Pattinson. It’s like an absentee insemination or something.
Son is that you?
Imagine having a vampire as a kid? That would be scary. Although if his body shined like diamonds in the sun then that would mean big money! Big money I tells ya!
So to recap, I’m wearing a Darth Vader suit while I have a machine gun wielding pregnant wife, Emma Frost as my telekinetic daughter and Edward as my vampire son. That would be so weird and awesome at the same time!
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