83. Cheating 101: Lesson One

Welcome to our first lesson in cheating. Now kids, a stern warning for everyone. This here is based mainly on my experiences in the past. Most of it is from intel i gathered from my previous SOs, different people have different reactions. So I would gladly take any criticisms thrown at my direction.  Bottom line, I will try to break it down to the simplest generic idea for everyone to better relate to what I am saying.

First rule of cheating: Never admit that you’re cheating

You think it’s simple enough eh? Wrong. You are DEAD WRONG. When your special other (SO) asks you, “Is there someone else?” What do you do? Most guilty folks close their eyes, take a deep breath, open their now teary eyes and say “no, there’s no one else”. Some folks get angry and project, “What the hell are you talking about? Why are you asking me this? How about you? Do you have a third party? You liar! I hate you!” After the fight people tend to be so emotionally drained and they spill everything out. No sense fighting over something you’d eventually give right?

There is an answer to this mind numbing, guilt shattering, life changing question. COMPOSURE

Composure is maintaining calmness amidst the hysteria around you. It is maintaining your train of thought especially during heightened emotional conversations.

Here is what you have to do when asked by an SO You have to be on your toes and answer confidently. Do not let any facial reactions out and I am talking about guilt, fear and stunned reactions. Sadly, facial reactions tell the whole story even before you open your mouth. Your reaction says it all.  So do be careful.

You have to be able to look at your girlfriend/boyfriend’s eyes and say the line “There is no one else” and not flinch or tear up the last minute. Any subtle movements or actions would be your folly.  For most, the experience will be like going through a polygraph test baking under a hot light while the room gets smaller and smaller.  Laughing about it won’t help either, unless you partner is an idiot. Getting angry and turning the tables on your partner would be worse, throwing stuff at each other is never a solution. A non confrontational approach would always be the way to go. Look into her eyes, hold her hand and say no while trying to empathize with him/her.

Empathy at this point is something you ought to do. He/she would never ask you about a third party if he/she didn’t feel alone. Empathizing with him/her would make them see that they’re not alone and that you’re still with him/her.

Also he/she may have a concern as to why he/she asked the question.  Better be the person she/he can trust and talk to rather than his/her friends who would more likely add fuel to the flame right?  Talk to your partner seriously. Acts concerned and bothered by what she’s feeling and ask why he/she would ever thought of you having sex with someone else.  Try to address his/her concern as much as you could and take note of it. Instead of it being a problem, now you have an ace up in your sleeve.

Imbibe it and try to practice it, once your body knows this reaction, it will come naturally when you need it. Getting caught would be so much easier if you know how to manipulate her feelings and control yours.

I’ll tell you a story, more than seven long years ago my ex girlfriend caught me!.She was holding my cellular phone and she saw someone texted. It was one of my flings at that time. The text message read something like, “Hi baby, I miss you. Can we meet tonight? I love you”

She was furious as hell and I didn’t know what to do. Instead of clashing with my ex girlfriend’s fury, I calmly talked to her and told her that, like her, I was surprised at the message that I saw and that it was probably for someone else and that it was a wrong text sent. My ex girlfriend was still furious and wanted to call the girl. Again I talked to my ex calmly saying that the girl is probably more embarrassed than we are for sending the message to the wrong guy and I said that if the message was really for me she’d send it again or call. We waited for like hours and no other message or call was received from that girl.  Before going home, I apologized for what happened and that I made her feel, I was there for her and that there was no one else.

I kept my composure and got through with flying colors. What she didn’t know was that even before the girl texted, the girl and I already had an agreement. That if for some reason we weren’t able to text back or call back, it’s probably because we’re with our SOs and it would be better if we would stay quiet and not annoy each other with senseless spamming.

I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson today. Also, don’t worry. There will be more.